The last couple of days, my social media feed has been filled with people devastated over the election. They’re hurt. They feel betrayed, and they’re scared that they will have rights stripped away, families torn apart, and violence against them normalized.

That’s not what this is about.

This post is about the people upset that many of us are critical of Trump voters. We’re asked: please don’t hate me! We’re admonished not to judge, to be accepting, to move on, to respect other people’s beliefs, and to remain open minded. They say they just want us all to get along. Ironically, many of the commenters in those social media threads, commenters that profess to support the don’t-hate-don’t-judge-can’t-we-all-just-get-along sentiment, proceed to denigrate Trump dissenters as childish, brats, deranged, too angry, too hysterical, and (my personal favorite) unable to properly read the meaning of the post. So much for respect and not being judgmental.

Donald Trump ran a campaign fueled by, racism, malignant misogyny, anti-Muslim and anti-immigrant hatred, and the hatred and degradation of “others.” He pandered to the sentiments of white nationalists, anti-Semites, and homophobes. That he also tapped into middle America’s frustration is clearly part of the equation, but let’s be honest: Trump’s campaign, from the start of the primaries, was driven by shock value, ugliness, name-calling, and denigration. It’s how he won the Republican nomination. 

I know not all of Trump’s voters are racists, misogynists, anti-Muslim, anti-immigrant, white nationalist, anti-Semites, or homophobes, but if you voted for him, you hitched your wagon to all of that, you said yes to all of that, tacitly approved all of that, even if you only voted for him because you hate Obamacare, or are anti-choice, or believe in the fairytale of trickle down economics.

So understand, when people criticize, or get angry about someone’s decision to vote for Trump, it’s not merely hatred or intolerance of a different perspective; it’s pain, despair, and fear. It’s visceral, it’s real, it’s awful, and it deserves to be heard.

They aren’t saying you are not entitled to your beliefs. This is America and, at least for now, people are entitled to those beliefs, but people are not entitled to be free of criticism for them, particularly when those beliefs hurt others, even unintentionally.

Saying that you don’t want people to “hate” you, that you want to have your choice respected, and you just want people to come together in unity, when your vote hitched your wagon to a platform of hate, disrespect, and divisiveness, is spectacularly, blindingly hypocritical.

It’s also interesting to note, that not one of these touchy feely, don’t-hate-me-respect-my-opinon posts, not one, has come from my black, latino, immigrant, or gay friends. Maybe you need to ponder why that is.

At some point these divides will need to be bridged, but it’s not going to be today, and it will not happen overnight. Perhaps, instead of telling the people who are hurt, disappointed, and legitimately afraid that they should just suck it up, you can try to reassure them that despite your vote for a man who has promised to destroy their families and their lives, you really do have their backs. I’m not sure they’ll believe you, at least not yet, but it would be a start. Maybe if they see you actively working against the hatred Trump has manipulated and normalized, they’ll start to be reassured.

I’ve always been told actions speak louder than words. If you voted for Trump, that spoke very loudly, and a bit of Kumbaya and a claim to love all people, doesn’t cancel that out. It’s going to take more action than that.

So, in answer to your various posts, memes, and laments: no, I don’t hate you, but I’ve probably lost some respect for you.